I believe that anytime you have something going on inside your body, it’s an opportunity for growth, or even better said, a call to action. Your body speaks to you in the only way it can; through pain, indigestion, a headache, dis-ease– perhaps nausea, it’s telling you that somethings off. It’s urging you to stop and get centered. My last “opportunity” started with the food I was eating and this intense burning in my belly. It was reminiscent of the gall bladder attacks I’d had years ago. It started slowly, not as a burning at first, but because I wasn’t paying attention to the soft cues being sent, and didn’t change my behavior, they got much louder.
I’ve had a lot to think about and process over the last nine months, so when my soul-sister, Jenny, came to stay with me, it was no surprise that she took over all cooking responsibilities and was on a mission to “get some food in me.” (She’s quite the chef, and she knows good food!) But my body had not had hearty meals like that, consistently, in a long time. I don’t know if it was “just” overeating or a combination of what I was eating and what was eating at me, that led to the imbalance- but I’m guessing––YEP! That.
You know how it is when you haven’t indulged in some time and then suddenly you’re in a state of being nearly comatose because you’ve checked out of the present moment and forgotten that you can always go back later! (sigh) While at the same time, trying to deal with emotions, loss, grief, moving-on, betrayal, trauma- all the stuff. What’s a body to do when you’re not taking the time to nurture it and feed it all that it needs, besides scream out- ENOUGH!?
You will either flourish in this life, wither or be content in mediocrity (not that there’s anything wrong with mediocrity if that’s what you’re called to). But my life’s not meant to be mediocre; I know this. It’s intended to be extraordinary–– in my extraordinary way. With simplicity. (And yes, it can be both.) That just means that I will shine my light as brightly as possible and not dumb myself down. It means that I show up for myself daily––that one act alone––if we all did that… WOW! It means creating opportunities and experiences that are meaningful and impactful, and when showing up authentically… I will continue to draw to me those that are meant to be here–like a moth to the flame–naturally. It means living in service and positively contributing to the world.
That seems pretty extraordinary to me!
I am blessed to have the life that I do. Joe and I worked hard to build our business our way, not by anyone else’s standards. We made our own rules and figured it out, so I do have a solid foundation and a firm footing. I also know I can do whatever I set my mind to, within my ability and talent. A little tenacity sprinkled with some grit… yes, please!
So what does being sick have to do with any of this? Well, being sick, on the couch, feeling lonely, sorry for myself, and sad that Joe wasn’t there to take care of me like he always has been– forced me to depend solely on myself. I had to self-direct. Find my source of strength and take care of my body… alone. Hear what it was saying (screaming) to me, and it woke me up!
It reminded me to pay attention. To put the big rocks in first: pray, meditate, write, move, have good conversation, look for JOY moments, get good fuel in, be silent, stop stuffing it down- in other words, be present. When I started listening and became the noticer, the ache was for sure worse when I was looking back into the past––reliving the trauma. My body was telling me, “Marie, Come back. You’re not here. Be present. There are some answers you will never have, no matter how much you crave them.” And that’s true. All of that is true. But then I realized it was never about the food. I wasn’t hungry for a “meal.” I was craving connection, conversation, and community. Strong women, and some men too, that have so much to offer. Advice, experience, wisdom. That’s what I’m hungry for.
So I started where I was, with meditation and writing. I started dumping it all onto the page and releasing myself from the burden of changing the past- IMPOSSIBLE. And then letting it go- first, symbolically with fire, a literal burning of the page, and then a pure intention to just be free…and not pick it back up. This is a daily exercise and one I have to remind myself of often––I can’t change the past. I can only make today the best I can by choosing good thoughts, good people, and feeling good! Seeking the JOY.
So thank you to my body for the reminder to stay grounded, centered, more mindful. To know what and how much I’m consuming- food and otherwise. To say thank you for the experience and to remember that true forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different. I’m still figuring out what my next right move will be, but I’m listening to the nudges and the whispers, the expansion, and the contraction. And I’ve surrounded myself with people that want to lift me up––that my friend is the KEY! Keep sending your wise words my way––I’m listening!
I’m confident that I will figure it out. I am figuring it out. How can I not when God is guiding me? I’m staring before I’m ready. I’m looking at this business without Joe, now, as a blessing and not a burden. I’m going to be trying new things with a new team. How exciting is that!? I haven’t been practicing these modalities of healing my whole life- reading, taking courses, getting certifications, listening to mentors, and the great sages––my entire life for nothing! God has been preparing me for this moment all along. And I am so grateful.
Always be kind.
xo, and peace. Always peace.
“My God, Woodrow, what a ride!”-Gus