Right after Joe died I began looking through pictures and videos. Some I had not seen since I first captured them. This was one of them. I remember making the video but I had not watched it since that night- not that I could remember. It was all new to me. I cannot tell you how amazed I was when I found it. I recorded it in January of 2019. It was more evidence, for me, as to how I was being taken care of- even back then. What a gift.
Dani and Lane had introduced us to The Avett Brothers via their documentary, May It Last. We both fell in love with their music immediately. We downloaded one album, then two, then three, and on it went. We weren’t fans of their last album- with the exception of a few songs- but we still listened to them daily. We were fortunate enough to see them in concert, twice, together. Joe would come in from the shop, I would have them playing over the speaker, and he would say, “me too- I can’t stop listening.” I KNOW! So many of their words spoke to us. So many favorites. But this one… this one.
Who knew, besides God, that I would find so much meaning and comfort in this five-minute video I had taken a year and a half before? I’m always looking for, as I’ve said many times, the magic. This is some of that magic. The symbolism. Joe enters the frame only for a short moment, and then he’s gone. I wanted so badly for him to come back into the scene, but he didn’t.
Thirty years seemed like a long time before now. I thought he was my forever, but I was wrong. We know nothing, but God knows.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD,” plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. –
Jeremiah 29:11
This has always been one of my favorite scriptures. I have it on a sign hanging in the house.
I thought I was open before, but I wasn’t, not really. I can see how I still tried to control outcomes that weren’t mine to control. As my wise cousin, Carol said to me the other night- “Who are we to ask someone to stay because WE don’t want to be in pain? What right do we have to be that selfish to want their pain to continue only so ours won’t begin?” She’s right. Joe was in terrible pain. Not physical, but total mental anguish. He just wanted it to stop. He said it many times.
When you truly surrender you give it ALL to God. Guide me, direct me, show me the way. I’m listening. I hear you. I’m paying attention. And I trust you. I believe God speaks to us through our Intuition- that inner knowing. But we can’t hear him if we don’t get quiet and listen. The way I see it- prayer is talking to God and Intuition is God talking to us. Do I expand or contract? That’s how I know. I don’t ignore the “hits” I get anymore. If it opens me up then I know- yes, this is God. If it feels restrictive in any way, then I also know, this is not God. This is ego (edging God out as Dr. Dyer always said. I don’t know if that’s true, but it feels like it is.)
I’m grateful for all the gifts, and all the “magic.” I’m staying open to possibility because with God all things are possible. That really leaves nothing- NO-THING– out. Joe’s journey is over. Mine is not.
The sound quality of my video is terrible- but I hope you’ll take the time to watch the official video.
“No Hard Feelings”
When my body won’t hold me anymore
And it finally lets me free
Will I be ready?
When my feet won’t walk another mile
And my lips give their last kiss goodbye
Will my hands be steady?
When I lay down my fears
My hopes and my doubts
The rings on my fingers
And the keys to my house
With no hard feelings
When the sun hangs low in the west
And the light in my chest
Won’t be kept held at bay any longer
When the jealousy fades away
And it’s ash and dust for cash and lust
And it’s just hallelujah
And love in thoughts and love in the words
Love in the songs they sing in the church
And no hard feelings
Lord knows they haven’t done
Much good for anyone
Kept me afraid and cold
With so much to have and hold
When my body won’t hold me anymore
And it finally lets me free
Where will I go?
Will the trade winds take me south
Through Georgia grain or tropical rain
Or snow from the heavens?
Will I join with the ocean blue
Or run into the savior true
And shake hands laughing
And walk through the night
Straight to the light
Holding the love I’ve known in my life
And no hard feelings
Lord knows they haven’t done
Much good for anyone
Kept me afraid and cold
With so much to have and hold
Under the curving sky
I’m finally learning why
It matters for me and you
To say it and mean it too
For life and its loveliness
And all of its ugliness
Good as its been to me
I have no enemies
I have no enemies
I have no enemies
I have no enemies
♥️♥️