My life has changed a lot since I wrote this—many, many weeks ago (where is the time going?) Joe was still here. I was doing my best to stay focused and in a state of gratitude, not fear. (I still am.) I was shielding him from what was happening in the world by not sharing everything I was receiving in my inbox and reading in my newsfeed. He was already too anxious; he couldn’t handle more chaos.
Can any of us?
That’s who we were though, we did share everything so this task wasn’t easy.
My circumstances may have changed, but this is still relevant today. I continue to pray— daily. I’m practicing gratitude and looking for the lesson; the blessing in every moment. I’m still seeking sage advice and the wisdom of others who have walked this path before me. (Success leaves clues. – Tony Robbins)
Have I already shared this? I have no idea. I’m not that organized. And it doesn’t matter; I’m not sweating the small stuff anymore.
Yes, I am kneeling. I am on my knees every day.
to be of good cheer.
to put my best into the world, because that’s what’s missing (our BEST selves.)
to be kinder.
to be of service.
and for grace.
I could use some of that, please.
Do I know what’s happening? Of course, I do. Do I need to be inundated? I do not. I am the only one that can control what I see, hear, and feel. I will continue to pray, believe, and remember that I am a woman of FAITH. When did I forget that God knows the end from the beginning? (When did I forget this?)
We are all feeling the pain. We cannot escape it. And we get to decide how we will respond. We get to choose…we always do. My job is to protect: Joe, myself, my consciousness, and what I’m allowing into my mind.
Now I’m spending more time meditating, writing, walking, praying, and talking. I’m spending more time reading and learning; how to forgive myself and others. Those who are still here, those who have passed, and of course myself. (Forgiveness is always for us—not them.) And how to open my heart—to have more compassion for this world where I feel so jaded.
Please let me have more compassion.
I know I will continue to repeatedly receive the same lessons until I figure it out. Groundhogs Day? Something like that. Until we change our response or reaction, the same experiences will keep showing up—different pants, different hair, different name— same lesson.
I’m choosing kindness: a conscious decision, and one I have to remember before my mouth flies open (which it sometimes does- please forgive me.) I love my fellow human beings, and my intention is to always be kind. To listen to others as well as my inner voice that leads me. I know I have work to do: Opinions to drop, beliefs to question with more scrutiny— at the least, and a softness that I need to adopt— towards those who disagree. (Have I walked in their shoes? No.)
I’m a work in process. We all are. I hope I’m better today than I was yesterday. That is also a daily prayer. I have unbelievable faith, and that will carry me through. I know that to be true.
xo, and peace.